Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there, especially my super awesome mom. If you've ever met her, you'd be able to see where I come from. My mannerisms, facial expressions, and sense of humor. My mom can suck just about anyone into a conversation and is well-versed in all worldly things. I love my mom and she's the best!
If there's something that I have learned from living and interacting with my family, it's to not live through hints. I know I'm guilty of it. I know everyone is guilty of it sometimes. But seriously, it's so much easier to just say it and get it over with!
For those who are lost, the loose definition of "living through hints": those who do not directly ask for or request something, but rather ask around the situation with leading questions, without really asking for the task needing completion. For example, a typical conversation starts like this:
"Are you busy today?"
"I don't know yet, why?"
"Oh don't worry, I was just hoping that if someone had time one of these days, if I might be able to go to the store"
"I can take you today"
"Oh no, you don't have to go out of your way, just when you have the time."
Um, there's a simpler way of getting that accomplished:
"Can you take me to the store when you are free?"
"Sure, how about this afternoon?"
Done and done.
The best part of messing with people who only live through hints or suggestions, is ignoring them completely. Never finding the time. Never acknowledging the hint. It's mean, yet wonderfully fantastic, if you are someone like me. Just repeat to yourself "I don't live through hints". If you want something, say it. If you expect something, let it be known. We aren't psychics, nor are we paid to wear the crazy outfits or stare at a crystal ball.
The worst part is when someone expects an outcome, doesn't receive it, then complains. All I have to say is, "you never said you wanted that!" Again, I'm not a psychic. I'm not a mindreader. I'd probably be the next Miss Cleo if I could (not really). If you want a party, for example, ask for a cake, don't expect that one will appear. And when one doesn't materialize, don't talk about how your family doesn't love you. You never asked.
Life Lesson #452: Ask for what you want.
Personally, I believe that if you say you want to "go on a break" with your SO/BF/GF, the relationship just bought itself a one-way ticket to Splitsville. I don't really understand the point of "taking a break". I suppose it's a way of easing the escape route. But doesn't it just make it harder when you actually want to break up?
Take the now "classic" example of Ross and Rachel on Friends. I think at this point, David Schwimmer's character has immortalized the words, "But we were on a break!" The idea of "going on a break" also has the male/female dichotomy of thought and understanding. Women understand it one way. Men another. Like Ross, on Friends, he thought that going on a break meant that seeing other people (and consequently sleeping with other people), was permissible during a break. Well, he was sorely mistaken.
I know of a few couples who have done the "break" thing. The success rate of them renewing their relationship? 25% Perhaps my sample size is too small. On the other hand, I don't think that it's too far from the truth. Usually, if the two parties agree to take the break, one of the parties may want out. Or both. In any case, why keep torturing yourself, and why not move on? And I don't buy the "But I love him" because clearly "he" doesn't love you back. And he won't three months from now. Or she won't two years from now.
I have never read Greg Behrendt's second book It's Called a Breakup because it's Broken, but the title resonates with me from my experience with friends. I don't think I need to read it, but I'm sure there are many out there who could benefit from a swift kick to the head with this book. If you're one of those people, BREAK UP ALREADY!
**photo from overdrive.dclibrary.org**
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