Power of Prayer

I found this old post from what will be two years ago. I think it's still relevant and I am impressed in my own articulation with my struggles in faith.

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This past year, with everything that has happened to me and my family, I've become a stronger believer in the power of prayer. I often used to take prayer for granted, mainly because I was born, raised, and reminded of being Catholic. Being religious. Attending Mass. Praying for the poor, the sick, and the misguided. I never thought it was a big deal. I attended Catholic School throughout my formative years, deliberately choosing to attend a secular university, so I didn't feel compelled to continue a Catholic education. It's not that I ever wanted to renounce my faith; rather I wanted to find it on my own. I didn't want religion and my faith to be a chore. And for all intents and purposes, my first three years of college were used to discover "what else" was out there.

I finally had the choice. Yes, the choice of what classes to take. The choice of what parties to go to. The choice of whether or not to attend Mass. I had the choice, something that is very liberating , especially when you are 18-yrs-old. I think that in spite of my new found freedom, I still made good choices. I wasn't blinded by the prospect of non-stop partying. However, I was enticed with the notion that I could make the decisions about my faith. So for two years, I made the conscious decision to sleep in Sunday mornings. I thought that I would be fine without God in my life, and then I came to my senses.

I wouldn't consider myself a very religious person, although I do attend Mass, and I do pray. Instead, I feel like I have a strong sense of spirituality. I spend a good number of years searching for something to believe in. I was always a good student. I was always a good "kid". I always followed the rules. However, I felt hesitant in the faith department. I never thought I could share these issues with any of my family; I didn't want them to think I had turned atheist or agnostic. I won't deny that I questioned organized religion for some time. I suppose that when you come from an environment where religion is an established component of life, it's difficult to question it and imagine yourself without it. That's probably why I took time in college to explore my secular side. I thought that I could handle myself without a belief system - without God. As I began to become more involved in Kaibigang Pilipino, I surrounded myself with other students of the background I could identify myself with. College-aged. Filipino-American. Questioning. Religious. I became closer friends with those who attended Bible Study. I never really understood what Bible Study was, but I respected my friends for their strong faith in God. And finally, I had the choice about my faith. I chose to explore it. I found a church that I liked. I started attending on my own accord, because I wanted to and I liked it. Since then, I think my faith has grown.

When my aunt was in the hospital in the fall, prayer was my only outlet. I was too far away to visit. I prayed daily when I found out that she had a stroke. I wanted to see her again, and not in a hopsital bed, or worse. I did not want to see another aunt pass. I sent petitions online to the Our Lady of Lourdes site, and Our Lady of Fatima site. (Oh the wonders of the internet). I prayed long and hard, and sent emails to my friends to keep her in their prayers. And she recovered, beautifully. I think all of the good intentions, prayers, and faith were a core component to her recovery. And so, my faith has grown.

Finally, I feel as though my wonderful boyfriend is an answer to my prayers for friendship. I have found someone that I can connect with on so many levels, and who I care for deeply. I never thought that I could be this happy, but I am. I pray about our relationship because we are far apart from each other physically, but otherwise, we are side by side on the same wavelength. We have a little mantra - Hope, Wish, and PRAY. I want us to grow stronger together, with a bond that no distance can sever. He's wonderful. I'm so thankful.

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I'd like to add a few more prayers to the list since this entry.

I want to pray for my dad. He was the victim of an "RIF" or reduction in force and his last day was back in October. I pray that he receives a job offer soon. Any company would be more than lucky to add him to their team. He's been diligently applying to jobs and attending meetings. I know it's just a matter of time.

I want to pray for my sister, for her continued success in high school, acceptance to the college of her choice, and that she grows as a person as she enters the next stage of life as a young adult. I know that she will be great.

I want to pray for my mom. With everything going on - sister in school, dad out of a job, all the while working and pursuing a master's degree - I pray for her success and strength to meet all of life's challenges.

I want to pray for my relationship with my boyfriend. I want us to grow in faith and love together, knowing that what we have is a partnership built on complete trust and steadfast love. I hope that we will someday never have to say, "goodbye" for more than a few days.

I want to pray for my boyfriend's brother as he graduates from college and takes the next big step in life. I hope that he follows God's guidance and finds the path that will bring him success and happiness. I pray that he eliminates any obstacles that are holding him back from accomplishing his goals.

I want to pray for myself. In the coming year, I would like to see self-growth and courage to talk - about myself, my life, and share these things with my family and friends freely. Talking about big issues has always been difficult as I fear conflict. I choose non-confrontational paths as it is the "easy" way out. However, I know that in order to make forward progress, I'll have to suck it up and take a leap of faith. I will not let fear stifle me in 2008.