#1: Victory is mine!

My first goal on my 101 in 1001 list was to blog everyday for a month. I've achieved a goal!

This being my 31st entry, maybe I should write about achieving a goal...

It feels pretty good to be able to cross off the first thing on my list. There are a couple more entries that are still to come, but those were started on the days of their post date. It's been difficult to come up with topics to write about every day, but at the same time I feel inspired daily by random conversations or interesting finds. I never really know what I'm going to write about.

I think that achieving a goal enables you to move forward with more goals. Discouragement is the number one killer of goals. Goals are easy to set, but so hard to complete. We get distracted, discouraged, and then the goal becomes irrelevant to us. The key is to keep goals relevant and worth working towards.

Here's to achieving goals set forth!

Not a fan of the fake.

Fake tan, fake boobs, fake smile.

Come on, let's be real.

There are so many products out there enabling one to be fake. I understand that sometimes, desperate times call for desperate measures, but seriously, is it worth it? $20,000 plastic surgery. Injecting poison into your face. Lotions that turn your skin orange. Veneers. What about working out? Taking care of your skin? Tanning safely? Braces? I know that these logical fixes don't work for everyone, but how do the former items measure up?

I was watching oh-so-fab Carson Kressley's new show How to Look Good Naked and it featured a woman who was 37 and already had 3 plastic surgeries. She was prepping for her fourth. And she was still dissatisfied with her body. I thought she looked pretty great for her age, but all she could focus on was the negative and what she hated about her body. Even with constant praise from her husband, she zoned in on what could or should be improved. Luckily, Carson was able to improve her sad outlook on life and convince her to remember her positive characteristics, so as not to instill negative body image into the brains of her daughters.

There's a commercial on TV for Restalyne. A woman in the commercial states that she uses it to "fake her age, because her boyfriend/husband thinks she's younger". I thought that to be a horrible sentiment. How are you supposed to build a relationship on lies? Maybe I'm just taking the moral high-ground. Or maybe our society has just become so focused on looks and aging that we convince 30-year-olds that they need botox. Or that it's acceptable to give a 17-year-old breast implants as a birthday present. Talk about tossing yourself out of the running for "Parent of the Year" award.

Needless to say, I'm not a fan of the fake. Fake parts of people or fake people in general. Like today, a woman that I don't directly work with asked me a question in the kitchen today. "So you're an unofficial project manager?" I looked at her quite puzzled, and said, "who me?" She smiled with her very artificial smile and continued her kooky comment. Let it be said that she's NEVER talked to me before. And the only time that I've slightly interacted with her was when I "caught" her cursing down the hallway dropping f-bombs. Yikes.

Why be fake nice? It would just save a bunch of time if we were real. Of course in terms of job security, it may not be a good idea.

Hoops and Yoyo

Whenever I'm feeling stressed or bored for that matter, I turn to Hoops and Yoyo for an immediate burst of amusement and hilarity. They always help make everything else seem inconsequential. Or as a former co-worker said, "It was all that would get me through the day sometimes."

I can't say that I've ever had it quite that bad at work, but I do love me some Hoops and Yoyo. I download their calendar every month to spice up my cubicle. You take what you can get, right? And if you go to www.hoopsandyoyo.com, the start page is bound to make you giggle, even a little bit. If you don't find it funny, then you must not have a personality or sense of humor. Don't be boring. Check them out.

There's also other printable stuff such as signs and gift tags. Although, I don't use any Hoops and Yoyo signs to indicate that I've wandered off somewhere, like some other ex-coworker who got served her walking papers. It wasn't so much the Hoops and Yoyo paraphernalia, it was more the fact that she'd hide in the filing room and read a newspaper, exercise and hang out in the windowless gym, or meander off to who knows where and have her Out of Office message on. She was weird. I'm sure she continues to be weird. Nonetheless, Hoops and Yoyo is awesome for a quick "pick-me-up".

I'm not a foodie.

There are a lot of blogs out there for food lovers. While I consider myself a definite lover of food. I am not a foodie.

I don't get excited over a $60 burger. I figure I can get one for a fraction of the price and will be just as good. Maybe I have an unsophisticated palate. I don't think eating caviar or foie gras is something to get excited about. I wouldn't be able to give it a review. I couldn't describe the subtleties or the textures or the flavor. It just doesn't matter that much to me.

This is not to say that I don't enjoy a wide variety of cuisine. My current favorite is Malaysian/Singaporean. I eat sushi and love French food. I'll try anything once. Fancy restaurants don't impress me that much; I think I get a little sick when I see the price they want to charge for an itty bitty plate of food. I had a friend who went to the Paul Bocuse restaurant in Lyon, France and had a ten course meal. She also dropped like 500 euro on it. I'd rather take that money and travel. I think that you can eat well, but it doesn't have to be pretentious or expensive. As long as I'm fed, I'm happy. Don't need to win me over with overly gourmet food. Chances are I won't like it anyway.

The Happy Hooker...

No, not me. It's my book by the Stitch 'n Bitch series. Only instead of knitting it's crocheting.

I'm not coordinated enough to knit. Actually, I think using the knitting needles gives me tinges of carpal tunnel. Anyway, I know some people who create fantastic things on their needles - Bethro and Jess. I found my calling in crochet. I find it much easier to wield a single hook than trying to manipulate two sticks. Plus, I have a tendency to pull things too tight, and thus enabling the carpal tunnel syndrome to creep up.

I've been practicing different stitches in crochet, and I'm finally getting the hang of it. Over the Christmas season, I cranked out 4 blankets -- two with the same pattern, but different colors, one with thick yarn, and another using 3 different shades of chenille yarn. The first three are keeping me warm until the Spring hits and I'm no longer freezing. The fourth blanket I sent to Italy to keep my best bud Maggie warm. That one took a lot of work and a lot of yarn. I will post the picture up once I find it.

My sister was the one who inspired me to try crochet. I think it was two winters ago when she started on a crochet project. Being bored and unemployed at the time, I thought, "Why not?" So I bought my own crochet hooks and some yarn. She had to teach me how to do the stitches at first, but after probably five or six tries, I finally got the hang of it. I produced a bunch of scarves that winter. I'm still trying to reproduce the pattern without buying the accompanying yarn! No luck yet.

I also find it very therapeutic after a long day of dealing with paperwork, people, and patience. It keeps my dexterity in check and also, in a way, prevents me from stuffing my face with junk since my hands are busy. My sister gave me The Happy Hooker by Stitch 'n Bitch Crochet for Christmas. There are some projects that look fun and challenging. Plus, who doesn't want to be an honest Happy Hooker?

The thing about interest rates...

It causes your savings account to get its rates cut too!

So our economy is pretty much in the toilet. 1 sterling pound is worth $2.05. 1 Euro is worth $1.47. Stocks are falling. People are getting worried. People aren't spending as much money to keep the economy going. The unfortunate truth about the stock market is that it's mainly fueled through speculation and feeling. If it's fear, people hold onto their money. If it's confident, people will spend their money.

I understand that the idea behind "economic stimulus" program is that it hopes to boost the economy. By giving people "free" money, we'll be inclined to spend money we didn't think that we would have. Personally when I get a check from Uncle Sam, I think I'm going to save it and let my interest-bearing account do it's job. Especially since the APY went down .25%.

I can't wait for some serious change. Super Tuesday should be really interesting to see how our future as a country is going to look. When we hit the all time low, we've got to be able to rebound and restore the prowess of this country.

Money Matters

I'm definitely one of those people who freaks out about money. I worry about if I will have enough and even if I will be able to retire. I turn 25 this year. Now some people may find this a little irrational, and other may think it's great that I have some forethought.

In order to quell some of the "freak out" storm, I've turned to a trusty website CNN Money. I've found many helpful tips from the site and links to other useful websites. I've also read a couple of Personal Finance books, including David Bach's Smart Women Finish Rich, Jean Chatzky's Make Money, Not Excuses, and Michelle Singletary's Your Money and Your Man. All basically advise on the same points: spend less than you earn, make the money you have work for you, and be prepared for the unexpected.

These tenets seem simple enough to follow, until you see your bills stack up. Then they start to seem a little more difficult to attend to. However, I have made these principles work for me. I finally set up an "emergency" stash of money that "pays" itself each time I get paid. I budgeted a certain amount to be direct deposited, and since I don't see it, it makes saving that much easier. I also set up an IRA to contribute an extra amount in addition to what my 401(k) already saves. Direct deposits are a wonderful thing.

I pay my bills online whenever possible, which decreases the paper trail and carbon footprint, while also making it easier to keep track of what is going where. Most of the time I'm pretty good about spending within my means, except for around the holidays when spending seems to go into a frenzy. As a general personal principle, I try my best not to carry any credit card debt. I may not be able to go out to eat, but I won't be paying 15-19% interest for letting the balance sit. Even with my meager pay, I make it work.

I also discovered a new website, thanks to CNN Money, called Mint.com, which allows you to log into your accounts and then it analyzes your spending and offers suggestions to save money. You can also compare your spending habits to the national average and averages from big cities. It's pretty interesting to see where all your money is going once it's laid out in front of you.

IMHO: in my humble opinion...

I'm very opinionated. I'm pretty sure I inherited that trait from my mother.

This also explains why I can be so judgmental. I'm ready and willing to jump down someone's throat at the drop of a hat, if need be. I tend to not give people the full chance that they deserve. Did I mention that I often think I'm right? But I'm not overly self-righteous like some people that I have met. I have my opinions and I stick by them.

I understand the notion of venting. I know that it helps people process their feelings about certain topics and events, as well as enabling better self-expression. However, dwelling on a situation isn't going to fix it. Instead a solution needs to be formulated or finding some kind of compromise in order to move forward.

At work, we had a meeting with our Accounts Payable group, who is notoriously known for incorrectly processing requests and incurring major delays in paying vendors. Not exactly an ideal situation for those paying individuals and corporations under contract. I found the meeting to be mostly useless and more like a forum for expressing complaints and pointing the finger. While I admit that I would quickly point my finger at them, I do also think that all the blame does not lay with the AP group. Rather, it's a split. Human error and blatant mistakes. Plus a very high turnover rate.

After the meeting some people proceeded to talk about it again and again. Give the poor horse a break! I get it. People make connections by relating to each other. In this case it was the meeting. However, considering that I found the meeting to be so frustrating and aggravating to begin with, I wasn't in the mood to listen to more complaints about the same thing. I agree that the situation is aggravating, but hashing and rehashing is not going to get anyone anywhere.

In my humble opinion, talking about it once and move on! Save the complaints for real things, like wannabe rockstars and always-absent assistants.

Simply Recipes

In my current efforts to learn how to cook and do it well, I've discovered a fantastic website - SimplyRecipes.com. I originally found the link a couple of months ago through an online search for my favorite salad in the world - Salade Lyonnaise. Although the recipe is slightly altered from the real Lyonnaise version I remember from Le Gros Caillou and other restauranteurs, it still does the job. Poached eggs, lardons, and a vinaigrette dressing? Who could resist?

Simply Recipes offers a wide variety of tried and true dishes that Elise and her family have actually prepared. It's a great resource for cooks and non-cooks alike, especially for finding dinner ideas or party dishes. All with delicious photos to stare at. Just browsing the pages makes me want to dive into the kitchen. (Which hasn't happened yet, btw).

My most recent adventure in the kitchen was during the Christmas season when I was baking up a storm. I have yet to venture into the savory dishes. I think that's what I'm most scared of. When I was 12, I tried to make some kind of casserole for a class party or presentation. It didn't turn out like the picture. I think that was the moment I became discouraged in the kitchen. The last thing I made was in 8th grade -- Deviled eggs. And I never tried one (maybe because I put so much pepper and cayenne and paprika), I figured I'd never eat it. Wait -- I guess I have cooked one thing well on a few occasions -- Curry.

I'm more confident about baking, but "real" food, is a little beyond me. I'm going to try it though. It's my new outlook on this year.

And just in time for SuperBowl weekend: diverse selection of chili recipes.

**photo from Simply Recipes**

Class starts!

Photoshop 101.

I went to the first day of class this evening, and boy it was packed. Luckily, I'm already enrolled in the class and I don't have to go through the "add-list" mess. I was also fortunate not to have to share a computer with anyone. The class capacity is 19. 38 people showed up. I must have had my game face on.

I'm taking the course with the same instructor as the Illustrator class I took in the Fall. I'm looking forward to learning more about bitmapped images, since all last semester was vector images. Wow, I just read that last sentence and I sound like a design geek. I'm comfortable with that. I hope that I can call myself a "design geek" and produce fabulous designs.

My pet peeve, however, are the people who ask questions that were just covered. I don't mind questions that haven't been asked. But don't ask the same question that the instructor just uttered the answer to minutes ago! Hello?! Are you trying to show 37 other people that you weren't paying attention? While I wasn't paying full attention (I heard the first day spiel last semester), I was listening and looking out for any relevant information.

Here I go. New class. New classmates...

It's called your Wedding DAY for a reason.

A wedding lasts a day.














But these television shows want to make it last a lifetime. I understand the concept of having your "perfect" wedding day, because that's what it is or should be -- a wedding day. With the rapid influx of wedding-related programming, bride-to-be's get stars in their eyes and false ideas of what their wedding should be.

Just because Britney Spears had a white-trash wedding, does that mean you want one too? Look at what happened to her. HOT MESS. Eva Longoria Parker got married at a castle in France, but I don't think my non-celebrity status will get me through the gates and bodyguards anytime soon. And I just saw an episode of Platinum Weddings where the bride's parents spent an obscene amount of money, and all I could think was "I wonder how long that's going to last..."

I don't oppose marriage, nor do I have a cynical outlook about the general institution of marriage. I believe that two people can come together, love each other, be each other's best friend, and live with each other until "death do they part". However, when there is a grand hullabaloo and hundreds of thousands of millions of dollars are being spent on one day, it makes me ill. To think about what all that money could have been spent on, and some spoiled couple get a day or a weekend of ostentatiousness. It's rather ridiculous. And it makes me wonder, "Are they trying to prove their love with how much they can spend?"

I've heard on these shows where the mother of the bride declares that she's been waiting for the day when she could plan her daughter's wedding. I think that if you can drop $300 grand on a day, you might as well buy them a house too. Then again, it is parents and couples with this kind of mentality that has grown the wedding industry into a multi-BILLION dollar industry. I would capitalize on that if I could.

Now when it comes to my own, sometime down the line, I don't want anything super flashy. As long as everyone has fun, I would be happy. I'm one of those people who'd rather save for a house and a life together, then blowing a wad on a day. A marriage is supposed to last a lifetime, and if you splurge on everything for your wedding day, who's to say that's going to last?

**banners from WeTV**

Job Satisfaction

Does it exist?

I wonder to myself everyday if there is someone out there who can truly say that they are satisfied with their job. I guess I should qualify the term "satisfaction" with "happiness". Are you happy with your job? Does the pay suit your needs (not wants)? Do you enjoy who you work with? At the end of the day do you feel like you've made a difference? Perhaps those who are self-employed, who called themselves "boss", might qualify. But I really want to know, is there such a thing as job satisfaction?

"They" say that people of my generation are classified as "Generation Y". From Wikipedia: According to the book, Thriving & Surviving with Generation Y at work: , Peter Sheahan , internationally recognised expert on Generation Y, says it is essential that we look at more than traditional forms of monetary compensation to motivate the new talent force."They’re after a sense of purpose, work-life balance, fun, variety, respect, and the opportunity to do ‘real’ work that makes a difference. Arguably everyone wants these things from a job but the difference with Generation Y is they’ll talk with their feet when their needs are not fulfilled." I can see this. I may think like this at times. We're also considered to have the mentality of "looking for the next best thing" if our current job isn't up to par.

I think that I am in one of those lulls between being happy with my current position and wanting something more. More responsibility (maybe), more money (definitely), more respect (of course!) Unfortunately, at this company, room for advancement is on hold at the moment. I enjoy my colleagues and my boss is fantastic, but those things can only keep me for so long. Something is just telling me that "it's time."

So the question is do I take the easy route or the more difficult journey? Stay in the comforts of my cube (although I want an office) or set out to find the next best thing?

My Relationship with Food.

I love food. I'm pretty sure that it loves me back, especially when it tries to get all up close and personal with me on my hips, thighs, and belly.

This year, I'm evaluating my relationship with food. I'm trying to become a conscious eater and think about what I'm putting into my body. My goal is to make progress this year with my efforts concentrated on improving my eating habits and continuing my exercise regime.

Growing up, we used to eat fast food after school. Since my mom had to work a lot, we'd have to stay in extended care, or as I like to call it, the Land of Watered Down Punch and Raisins. I came to despise little boxes of raisins after those years. So fast food was always a treat. I didn't know anything about all the calories that were packed in McDonald's Happy Meals or a #5. It all just tasted good. I didn't know that I was basically drinking pure sugar and then letting it develop into junk in my trunk by sitting watching TV. Looking back, I wish I had said no. I remember now why we used to give up fast food for Lent. It was probably the best sacrifice we could have made.

All through college I ate whatever I wanted. At one point I tried the Atkins diet, and I did lose 8lbs. However, as soon as I had my first delicious carbohydrate, 10lbs found their way back to my midsection. I studied abroad in France and ate everything I desired. But since I had to walk everywhere, sometimes miles a day, when I got back to the US, I had lost almost 20lbs! Without even noticing. Unfortunately, re-entry into Fatsoville, I mean the good old USA, brought on the return of those lost pounds.

Finally, now that I'm out of college and feel much more in control of my life, I've developed an exercise routine. Exercise has not been my stumbling block. It's all the food and appropriate serving sizes. I've belonged to the Clean Plate Club my whole life. It's only in the last few weeks that I've been testing my stomach and metabolism. I've learned that I can get by without all the sugar and fats. Eating one cookie slowly provides (almost) the same amount of satisfaction as cramming 5 cookies down my throat.

I love food and will continue to love it. I know I could never become anorexic. As much as I don't like being fat, my love for food outweighs starving myself. Like they say about everything, moderation is key. It's going to happen in 2008. Lots of great things.

Happy Birthday Stephie!

Today is my sister's 18th birthday. We have this running joke about saying "Hi, I'm eighteen" in a deep, manly, "older" sounding voice. Well, now she can say it and mean it.

She reminds me a lot of myself when I was her age. Smart, quiet, good at math, plays the piano, goes to ballet, and loves television and eating. But I also think that she's probably the more kind version of me in high school. She has various groups of friends and is the head of the school's TV Station. She loves to cook -- I never did -- and is good at it. She is nice to other people and generally gives them the benefit of the doubt. I always (and usually still do) go straight for judgment. She's a level headed young lady, who will do great things in the years to come.

She wants to be a food scientist, mixing her understanding and preference of science with her love of cooking and eating food. She's inspired by Alton Brown, host and producer of Good Eats on the Food Network, and definitely kicks my butt in the kitchen.

I can't wait until she gets to college. Not because I want her gone, but because I'm excited for her. I think it will be a fantastic learning experience and huge step towards independence. She can be wishy-washy and undecided when it comes to making a choice or decision. The opportunity to live away from home will give her the necessary chutzpah to grow into the person I know she can be. Then, she'll just be the nicer version of me. Just kidding, she'll definitely be Stephanie, with her own voice.

Love ya sis!

Speaking of good food....

I highly recommend the food at the Banana Leaf Restaurant in Milipitas. Their claim to local fame is that they serve "Authentic Malaysian Food". I wasn't sure what Malaysian food included, but I figured that it fell into the same family as Thai, Vietnamese, and Filipino food. Rice, of course, noodle dishes, and meat dishes with sauces of varying flavors.

I was excited to try something new. They start you off with a plate of Roti Canai or Prata which is a "crispy, multi-layer Malay-Indian style pancake served with bean curry sauce" for the entire table. I like to think of it as a Malaysian crepe. It's delicious. I think that I could eat just that and be totally satisfied. But of course I had to order a main dish.

I chose the Rendang Beef because it's described as beef with Malay curry sauce. I love curry. Especially Japanese curry -- that's the way my mom prepares it. It was splendiforous. I made that word up. It was that good. My sister had the Mango Chicken which was also very tasty. I don't think there's anything not good, although I haven't tried everything. The cuisine definitely reminded me of a fusion of Thai food and Filipino food. The curries and heavier sauces and the various accoutrements.

Since it was our first time trying Malaysian food, we also had to try the desserts. I had the Malay Pisang Crepe and I saw the Ice Kacang which totally resembled Filipino halo-halo. I suppose Filipinos do descend from the Malay people in part. Well, more scrumptiouness ensued. The Malay Pisang Crepe was a piece of Roti Canai/Prata filled with bananas and topped with whipped cream. Pretty much a Malaysian crepe. Can't go wrong with that.

I'm not much of a foodie, but I definitely give this place some thumbs up. The only drawback I saw was that it was super crowded, and turns out it always is. They do take reservations, however, for parties of 5 or more. I think the fire marshal might be a little nervous at the way they pack people in.

Go Banana Leaf!

I love cupcakes.

Unfortunately, I can't eat any. Well, I suppose that's not entirely true. I can eat cupcakes, in moderation, but who does that? Clearly the serving size for cupcakes is at least 3.

Well, I thought I would give a little love to this wonderful bakery that I found in Emeryville - the Teacake Bakeshop. Also home to the delicious Chocolate Chunk cookie I had several months ago. I still remember that cookie.

They have wonderfully delicious packages for the any special or regular day - Christmas, Valentine's Day, the Spring, birthdays, etc. They only use the finest ingredients which I believe is why the "teacakes" come out so mouth-wateringly scrumptious. Did I mention they have cookies too?

One of the hardest aspects of being on a diet is the self-control component. The other day I had a serious craving for hot wings. It's been a while since I've had any. Also off the list. Today, my craving was for cupcakes. I figure that if I can't have one, at least someone else could benefit from this.

**photo from TeacakeBakeshop.com**

If you're going on a break...

...you may as well BREAK UP!

Personally, I believe that if you say you want to "go on a break" with your SO/BF/GF, the relationship just bought itself a one-way ticket to Splitsville. I don't really understand the point of "taking a break". I suppose it's a way of easing the escape route. But doesn't it just make it harder when you actually want to break up?

Take the now "classic" example of Ross and Rachel on Friends. I think at this point, David Schwimmer's character has immortalized the words, "But we were on a break!" The idea of "going on a break" also has the male/female dichotomy of thought and understanding. Women understand it one way. Men another. Like Ross, on Friends, he thought that going on a break meant that seeing other people (and consequently sleeping with other people), was permissible during a break. Well, he was sorely mistaken.

I know of a few couples who have done the "break" thing. The success rate of them renewing their relationship? 25% Perhaps my sample size is too small. On the other hand, I don't think that it's too far from the truth. Usually, if the two parties agree to take the break, one of the parties may want out. Or both. In any case, why keep torturing yourself, and why not move on? And I don't buy the "But I love him" because clearly "he" doesn't love you back. And he won't three months from now. Or she won't two years from now.

I have never read Greg Behrendt's second book It's Called a Breakup because it's Broken, but the title resonates with me from my experience with friends. I don't think I need to read it, but I'm sure there are many out there who could benefit from a swift kick to the head with this book. If you're one of those people, BREAK UP ALREADY!


**photo from overdrive.dclibrary.org**

Just Do It.

Sure, it may be a slogan from Nike, but it's my slogan for the year.

Now, of course I would not recommend this attitude for all situations, but for many situations, it works.

What I'm talking about is for those who say "I'm going to..." or "I want to..." or "I would like to..." in terms of a dream or a goal like a diet or travel or some kind of change, I say, "Go for it!" There is no time like the present.

2008 feels different to me. It feels like a year when I will enact change and improve myself on the whole. And I believe that this blog, this outlet for expression, will hold me accountable for my actions and accomplishments, and of course, obstacles. I suppose it also feels different because I am making it so. I've written down goals and resolutions. I have had the chance to read and reread everything that I want to do. Since my goals are for the next 1001 days, I also don't feel like time is ticking, but since I am determined to make a dent in my list, I will work on each one.

I've spent the last few years saying "I will". This year, "I am". New motivation and inspiration that I am taking to heart and moving forward with. Maybe it's because I turn 25 this year. Maybe it's because I'm in a crossroads of my life. Whatever it is, I want to make the most of it. I want to be able to say, "Wow, I'm glad I did that" instead of, "Aww man, I wish I could have done that". And in most cases, money aside, there's only one thing that stands in the way. You. Me. Ourselves. I'm going to be my own best friend instead of my own worst enemy. Do it!

Seize the moment and live life.

Another Resolution: The Anti-Flake Diet

I can be a real flake. This year, I'm make a concerted effort to contact friends and hang out.
I will be less of a flake this year. Note: I did not say that I would NOT be a flake, just less of one.

I told my friends over the weekend that I am "selectively antisocial". I think that's a valid excuse. Sometimes I just don't want to see people. Sometimes family time overrides friend time. So sue me if I love my family. I get tired of driving. I get tired of overspending on dinners. And as sad as it may sound at 24, I'm totally over the "clubbing" scene. I'm not looking to pick someone up or be picked up on. No thanks. But I suppose it's a bad sign when your boyfriend jokes about you being a flake. Not because I flake on him, but because he know how often I flake on friends. It's kind of a running joke.

Well, tonight I've made good on my resolution so far for the year. Considering my state of brokeness, I decided that I would drive down to see some friends in the South Bay. It was a fun little reunion of us EAP kids (Education Abroad Program) and apparently they were happy to see me since I only see them every other time or every third time they decide to go out. I'm selectively antisocial, whatever. We had chips and guacamole, wine and cheese, and some chicken and salad.

I'm not selectively antisocial because I don't like hanging out with friends. I enjoy interacting with other people and catching up on their lives. At this point in our lives, we really have to make a big effort to schedule each other in. However, sometimes, I don't want to. Maybe because sometimes I feel like a nonconformist or I'm just too damn lazy or broke. It's true that most of the time I would opt for a DVD at home in comfy pajamas instead of bar hopping. the latter takes much more effort. If you're my friend you learn to live it with. You'll know even though I may not show up, I'll be there.

New Budget

Just like the state, I have to rework my budget. I'm really glad that I created an emergency stash of money. I really needed it these last few days. And now, with a new vehicle in tow, I have to rethink my budget.

I feel extremely lucky to not have to pay rent to my parents. I know that some people would rather go broke paying for rent than living with their parents, but I value shelter. Warm home, clean bed, hot showers. Plus a house of people to talk to when I go home. Sounds great in my book. So for me, this line on my budget does not affect me.

It's the student loans, car payments, and credit cards bills that are making me juggle. I definitely have to cut unnecessary spending (I sound like the government!) and perhaps keep the plastic at home. Although, I think considering my monthly income and savings, I can do it. It's not that bad. However, I do know of one solution to get me through it.

A RAISE!

#14: Mission Accomplished

I bought a car today. I wrote a check for $2000. I officially have a credit history.

Oh my goodness. It was surreal.

After the trials and tribulations of my current car situation, I thought that I should start looking for another car. Little did I know that I would drive it home today. I initially went to the dealership to check out a Nissan Altima, only to find that it was last owned by a smoker. Definite deal breaker for me. I even found a couple of cigarette burns in the upholstery. Yikes! I felt a little discouraged after we drove it because it was right in my price range.

Then my dad received a phone call. This gave me the opportunity to wander around the lot and check out the other cars. A blue 2005 Volvo caught my eye. The price wasn't listed, so I just wanted to take a look. Once my dad hung up we were given the keys to check out some other cars. First was a 2004 Infiniti - red. It was pretty with heated leather seats and a 6 CD changer. But something wasn't quite right. Second was the 2005 Volvo - blue. It looked great. Leather seats, remote entry, moonroof, and cup holders! My '86 BMW was greatly lacking any sort of cup holder. I was sold (kind of)!

I went into the office and toyed with the idea of making a purchase. Of course the salesman was more than happy to start running the finances. About 15 minutes later I was signing papers and I had a car! I also learned my credit score, which was great to find out. I'm very happy about that. I'm very pleased and happy about my first big ticket purchase. It's a little scary, but exciting at the same time! Here's to growing up!

And now I have more bills. (Not so exciting) But I have a car!

I believe...

in The Secret.

As evidenced through this week's trials and errors, I will have only gone to work 3 days this week. This week was my first week back on the job after two weeks of illness and vacation. I'd been out of the office since December 21. It was really nice and refreshing to be off from work, and I had some well-deserved rest. However, when I thought about the prospect of having to return to work, I wasn't exactly ready. I wished I didn't have to go to work. I thought about not having to go to work. I visualized it.

Then I remembered my jury summons clipped to a magnet on the fridge. I also remembered that I had to call in to check if I was to report on Monday morning. Previous times that I have been summoned, I have never had to report. However, this year, in very early 2008, I had to report at 8:30AM to the Superior Courthouse. And thus, my first day back to work never came to be.

I was excused from jury duty service since the courthouse had fulfilled their jury allotments, so I had to go to work on Tuesday. I readied my work bag and laptop for the next day. Tuesday morning I walked out the door forgetting to pick up my laptop bag on the way out. I remembered just as soon as I unlocked my car door. I grabbed the laptop and went to work. As soon as I got to work, I tried to dock the computer, but nothing happened when I tried to turn it on. Dead. I thought that was weird, so I tried to turn it on undocked. Nothing. I made the rounds talking to my coworkers who I had not seen in 2 weeks, and then when the computer still would work for me, I brought it down to the IT guys. After a couple tests, they declared the poor laptop dead. I was left without a computer. I couldn't work the entire morning. Thus, the second day was only half fulfilled.

Wednesday came and went without a problem.

Which brings me to this morning, Thursday, January 10. As I finished my breakfast, I thought to myself, "I don't want to go to work today". I got in my car and headed towards the bridge. It was raining so I turned on my lights and my wipers. When I was on the bridge I noticed that the wipers got noticeably weaker in strength and the radio sounded distorted. As I merged onto 101, my wipers died completely. I knew that I was losing power somehow, but I wasn't sure what was causing it. I was almost at my exit, so I figured if worse came to worse, I could just pull over once off the freeway. Right before the exit ramp, I tried to step on the gas, but there was zero acceleration. I knew that I was definitely not a good sign. I was lucky to be in the right lane, and I was able to pull off to the shoulder before getting stuck in the middle of the freeway on a gray, rainy day.

I went into panic mode, but remained as calm as possible. I called AAA to come tow me. After making the necessary phone calls to all the important people, I waited anxiously for the Tow Truck to show up. When it did, I was towed to the nearest repair shop. I was granted with the bad news that I would have to pay out the nose to the tune of $600. Great. My awesome coworker came to my rescue to take me to the office. Later in the afternoon I called to check if my car was fixed. Why is it that every time there is one thing wrong with a car, there is always something else that is discovered to be a problem? Well, my brakes are allegedly shot. I never experienced any problems in the last few weeks. The auto repair shop gave me an estimate of $790! Too expensive for the sake of my car -- both repairs would cost more than the total amount paid for the car! I drove slowly and cautiously 20 miles to get back home. Paranoid the entire way. But I made it. Later, we took the car to our local "guy" who specializes in European cars. I hope it doesn't cost too much to get the brakes fixed. Otherwise I will start looking for another car.

Since my car is in the shop today, I had to work from home, thus completing my week of not wanting to go into work. Lovely.

So now I need to visualize other things. Like a job for my dad. An increase in salary. A promotion. Healthy eating. Obviously, as evidenced by this week, my visualization skills work. Or, in my mom's words are "spooky".

Motivation, not just another noun.

Ah motivation. My coworker told me about this website SparkPeople.com which has some great resources and support networks for getting back to a healthy lifestyle and finding your "happy" weight. It's the first website I've seen that's totally free, but provides above average resources.

You enter in your goals and SparkPeople will generate an exercise and meal plan based on your answers. You can modify your goals, fitness, and meal plans as needed. You can read articles about health, fitness, and motivation. There are little quizzes and polls, and interactive activities that keep the site fun. It also has the social networking aspect where you have a "page" where you can describe your goals, your program, and why you joined Spark. You can comment on the pages, post to the message boards, and join groups. As opposed to a social networking site like MySpace - where skanks and child predators play, this site is more inspirational and motivational than any other. I especially enjoy reading success stories.

I'm motivated. Now with the support of three coworkers, we're all embarking on a similar journey. Thanks SparkPeople!

Out of Excuses... onto Happy!

As my Glamour magazine suggests this month, I want to find my "happy" weight.

I've had a love/hate relationship with food my entire adolescence and into adulthood. In the last year, I've been able to incorporate exercise into my life about 3-4 times a week, which I know is more than most. However, my efforts in the food department have not been as successful. I read about meal plans, study health articles, and have all the intentions of eating healthy. But in one way or another, it never seems to pan out. Sad.

This year is going to be different. I feel it. It's only been eight days into the new year, but I have this vibe that 2008 is going to be life changing and I will be taking major positive strides. Maybe it's because I'm quickly approaching my quarter-life mark and I feel more in control of my life. I'm not sure, but I'm amped up by my 101 in 1001 list. I'm determined and motivated. Plus I'm out of excuses.

I've found someone who loves me, all of me, and in spite of me. That may sound weird, but he accepts me for the complete package. Wacky, silly, crazy, angry, and happy emotions and everything else. I can no longer say that no one will love me because of my size. That was and continues to be proven wrong by my wonderful boyfriend.

I have nowhere to go but forward. I'm changing my life this year!

Magazine Junkie

I am a self-confessed Magazine Junkie. At least it's not drugs, right?

There's just something about glossy covers, pretty photo spreads, and enticing reads. Usually I can resist buying them off the stand, but here and there - especially at the airport - I tend to succumb to the temptation sitting there, shining under the fluorescent lighting.

My sister had a magazine drive and I felt that this year I could definitely participate. Plus I love magazines and the subscription rate is so much cheaper than off the stand. So I came out ordering Cooking Light - for my new cooking endeavors, Real Simple - because it's pretty and has great tips, I renewed my existing Glamour subscription, and Shape - for my exercise endeavors.

However, my problem is letting go. I'm positive that I have enough old magazines to fill one or two boxes. I know that I will never read them again, but just like letting go of old clothes, it's a much bigger undertaking, and takes a lot of will power. In my goal to sort out things in my bedroom, I will be recycling at least a box of old magazines. If there are articles that I really want to hold on to, I will tear them out and archive them.

Oh it's going to be a great 2008!

#13: Sort and Purge

I took it upon myself to finally go through everything in my closet and decide what could stay and what had to go. I probably should have let go of more items, but I think that I did pretty well in donating an entire Glad Bag to Goodwill. Someone will be able to get some good use of my nearly unused items.

My mantra for this "sort and purge" activity was to let it go and not turn back. I could hem and haw about whether or not I could wear the item again, but I decided that if I didn't think that I would wear it again, it just had to go, regardless of the "maybe". There are still a couple of items that I should have placed in the "Give Away" pile, but I suppose those will be saved for the next "Sort and Purge" exercise.

It's a very cleansing and therapeutic experience to be able to rid yourself of extra "stuff" and at the same time, my clothes have the potential of helping someone get a job or look great on a date. Who knows.

Here are photos of my endeavor:








Give Away









Keep

Future house warming

Part of me can't wait until I have a house. I can't wait to decorate. I can't wait to own all the cool stuff. I can't wait to make it my own. It's a sign of independence. It's a sign of "making it".

I've always had an affinity for decorating and makeover shows on HGTV, TLC, and the Style Network. I've scraped ceilings, refinished floors, painted walls, and applied finishes. I love house projects because after all the sweat and hard work, it's well worth all the effort, usually. And yet, after it all, these things have never really been mine. Projects for the family house or a friend. I'm waiting for when I do a project for my own nest.

I also want to beef up my cooking skills and throw fabulous dinner parties. Not in the Emily Gilmore style, but more in the Hostess with the Mostess fashion. I love the blog! I pore over magazines that give party, decoration, and theme suggestions. I think, "I could totally do that!" I just need a place to throw it. And money. Alas, it will come someday.

Mission: hone cooking skills and save for a house!

The sun still shines

I saw the movie Juno today. It was a cute and poignant look at teenage pregnancy, handled in a palatable and humorous manner. I especially liked the scene in which Juno was talking to her dad about love and the possibility of unconditional love. Her dad says that when you're in love you take the person for the good, the bad, the ugly, the stupid, and at the end of the day they "still think the sun shines out of your ass". Great line.

I think that line rings true in couples who have been together for a long time. How else would they stay together for so long? On so many levels there has to be that compromise at the end of the day. The "honey I love you" and "babe you're the best" statements of affirmation make the big difference. If there aren't those feelings after a disagreement or blowout fight, then there may be trouble brewing. The old saying of "don't go to bed mad" is really important. If there was a way to put a fight on pause or timeout, I think that would be a great tool. Sometimes discussions turn into disagreements or misunderstandings turn into brawls. And sometimes exhaustion sets in before it's all over. Pause would be great. I, myself, haven't experienced the need for the "pause" button, but if I plan for my love to still think the sun shines out of my butt years down the line, I'm going to have to up the ante. I love him, so it's definitely worth it. I believe I'll still be saying that when I'm old and senile.

Serious things make me nervous

I never realized exactly how nervous serious conversations make me feel. Depending on how serious it is I either try to talk around the subject in order to "get my feet wet" or I get really choked up and sound like I'm going to burst into tears when I finally approach the subject.

Fear stifles.

One of my goals for the year and years to come is to not let fear stifle me. I want to be brave and courageous and bold. I want to face my fears head-on instead of running away and hiding. I'm highly skilled in avoidance and a master in changing the subject. I can ignore the elephant in the room if I really want to.

I will take direction and suggestion from my bestest and "Go ahead and say it" and "Just ask". If there's anyone what I can confide in, it's him. He takes me at my best and worst moments and we still say "I love you" at the end of the day. He's so special to me. However, even with him, I get choked up when I edge towards uncomfortable subjects. So far, in the short time that it's been 2008, I've tackled a couple of lingering issues, and we're still good.

Fear will not stifle me any longer.

Power of Prayer

I found this old post from what will be two years ago. I think it's still relevant and I am impressed in my own articulation with my struggles in faith.

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This past year, with everything that has happened to me and my family, I've become a stronger believer in the power of prayer. I often used to take prayer for granted, mainly because I was born, raised, and reminded of being Catholic. Being religious. Attending Mass. Praying for the poor, the sick, and the misguided. I never thought it was a big deal. I attended Catholic School throughout my formative years, deliberately choosing to attend a secular university, so I didn't feel compelled to continue a Catholic education. It's not that I ever wanted to renounce my faith; rather I wanted to find it on my own. I didn't want religion and my faith to be a chore. And for all intents and purposes, my first three years of college were used to discover "what else" was out there.

I finally had the choice. Yes, the choice of what classes to take. The choice of what parties to go to. The choice of whether or not to attend Mass. I had the choice, something that is very liberating , especially when you are 18-yrs-old. I think that in spite of my new found freedom, I still made good choices. I wasn't blinded by the prospect of non-stop partying. However, I was enticed with the notion that I could make the decisions about my faith. So for two years, I made the conscious decision to sleep in Sunday mornings. I thought that I would be fine without God in my life, and then I came to my senses.

I wouldn't consider myself a very religious person, although I do attend Mass, and I do pray. Instead, I feel like I have a strong sense of spirituality. I spend a good number of years searching for something to believe in. I was always a good student. I was always a good "kid". I always followed the rules. However, I felt hesitant in the faith department. I never thought I could share these issues with any of my family; I didn't want them to think I had turned atheist or agnostic. I won't deny that I questioned organized religion for some time. I suppose that when you come from an environment where religion is an established component of life, it's difficult to question it and imagine yourself without it. That's probably why I took time in college to explore my secular side. I thought that I could handle myself without a belief system - without God. As I began to become more involved in Kaibigang Pilipino, I surrounded myself with other students of the background I could identify myself with. College-aged. Filipino-American. Questioning. Religious. I became closer friends with those who attended Bible Study. I never really understood what Bible Study was, but I respected my friends for their strong faith in God. And finally, I had the choice about my faith. I chose to explore it. I found a church that I liked. I started attending on my own accord, because I wanted to and I liked it. Since then, I think my faith has grown.

When my aunt was in the hospital in the fall, prayer was my only outlet. I was too far away to visit. I prayed daily when I found out that she had a stroke. I wanted to see her again, and not in a hopsital bed, or worse. I did not want to see another aunt pass. I sent petitions online to the Our Lady of Lourdes site, and Our Lady of Fatima site. (Oh the wonders of the internet). I prayed long and hard, and sent emails to my friends to keep her in their prayers. And she recovered, beautifully. I think all of the good intentions, prayers, and faith were a core component to her recovery. And so, my faith has grown.

Finally, I feel as though my wonderful boyfriend is an answer to my prayers for friendship. I have found someone that I can connect with on so many levels, and who I care for deeply. I never thought that I could be this happy, but I am. I pray about our relationship because we are far apart from each other physically, but otherwise, we are side by side on the same wavelength. We have a little mantra - Hope, Wish, and PRAY. I want us to grow stronger together, with a bond that no distance can sever. He's wonderful. I'm so thankful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'd like to add a few more prayers to the list since this entry.

I want to pray for my dad. He was the victim of an "RIF" or reduction in force and his last day was back in October. I pray that he receives a job offer soon. Any company would be more than lucky to add him to their team. He's been diligently applying to jobs and attending meetings. I know it's just a matter of time.

I want to pray for my sister, for her continued success in high school, acceptance to the college of her choice, and that she grows as a person as she enters the next stage of life as a young adult. I know that she will be great.

I want to pray for my mom. With everything going on - sister in school, dad out of a job, all the while working and pursuing a master's degree - I pray for her success and strength to meet all of life's challenges.

I want to pray for my relationship with my boyfriend. I want us to grow in faith and love together, knowing that what we have is a partnership built on complete trust and steadfast love. I hope that we will someday never have to say, "goodbye" for more than a few days.

I want to pray for my boyfriend's brother as he graduates from college and takes the next big step in life. I hope that he follows God's guidance and finds the path that will bring him success and happiness. I pray that he eliminates any obstacles that are holding him back from accomplishing his goals.

I want to pray for myself. In the coming year, I would like to see self-growth and courage to talk - about myself, my life, and share these things with my family and friends freely. Talking about big issues has always been difficult as I fear conflict. I choose non-confrontational paths as it is the "easy" way out. However, I know that in order to make forward progress, I'll have to suck it up and take a leap of faith. I will not let fear stifle me in 2008.

Happy New Year!

Here's to a great 2008!

As of now, I will be consciously working on my 101 in 1001.

I have accomplished a few, which I will document and write about here.

We had a great New Year's Eve at the Cool River Cafe. An awesome date, a fun cover band, and an intimate venue made for a great night out. We've never really been out dancing except for when we first got together, so it was extra fun getting decked out for the evening and dancing the year away. And of course it was fantastic to share the first kiss of the year with my super, wonderful, caring, thoughtful boyfriend. I'm so blessed to have had him in my life since the end of 2005. Goodbye 2007! Hello 2008!